Do you need to become a better you? Improvement they say is a never-ending journey.
Have you been told you are amazing and the best thing since the discovery of pizza? Or conversely, have people opined that you are good for nothing, literally the bottom of the barrel? Interestingly, for some, these views may have originated (and concluded) by self. The origin of the view is not as important as what is done about it. For those currently on a roll, more wins. However, I am certain that all of us (including yours truly) can become better, do better and experience life better. So, how do you become a better you?
Why People Do not Improve
Before we explore how to get about improving self, lets briefly ruminate on why most people are stuck where they find themselves or in a particular mold. Why don’t more folks try to improve? https://youtu.be/5OOtcywYtWA Well, the reasons are simple (or maybe not); fear, loss of faith (or call it conviction) and arrival mentality!
Fear? (I hear you ask). Yes, fear. Fear of failing either the first time or failing again having tried before. Fear of being ridiculed for trying. Fear of still not being accepted despite progress made at improvement. Fear of giving up midway. Fear of being thrown a curved ball whilst on the path of development. Fear that the reward(s) may not justify the effort.
The second group have lost faith, faith in mankind, prosperity & posterity. These skeptics are convinced they are players in a game rigged against them. That no matter what they do that they’ll always get the shorter end of the stick. There is the deep-rooted belief in life being a slippery slope, an unnavigable maze or a cauldron of adversity seething with misfortune. People with this mindset have possibly been dealt bad hands in the past, have become conditioned to expect the worst or are almost incurably pessimistic.
There is a last group that remain where they are because they believe themselves to have arrived (arrival mentality). These folks are certain that they have attained their apex and fail to see the need to put forth additional efforts at growth especially if they are being celebrated. Someone once said, “the most difficult thing to manage is success”. These have their proverbial heads in the clouds and fail to see the other -spheres (mesosphere, thermosphere etc) that are above the troposphere & stratosphere where clouds are typically found.
So now that we have looked at what keeps people from getting better, how can you become a better you?
7 Steps to your version Better
You can become a better you by following what I call the seven steps to your version better β (& yes, I meant better not beta):
Step 1 – Evaluation: An evaluation or analysis of yourself is paramount in the path to become a better you. It is imperative to ascertain and rank the priorities in your life. While someone very close and trusted can help you with this exercise, it is advised that the final assessment be yours (after all, no one knows you like you). The outcome of introspection and their order of importance varies from individual to individual. It is also influenced by factors such as age and background. That being said, most people I know, the list below applies with some minimal re-arrangements in a few cases:
- Spirituality
- Physical health
- Family
- Relationship
- Endeavour (Career, Business, etc.)
I urge you to be objective and honest. You can’t get to where you are going to until you know where you are coming from.
Step 2 – Gratitude List: Draw up a list of things in your life that you are grateful for. To do this right, the emphasis should be on things that are germane and truly matter. The world around us conditions us to focus more on those things that are ephemeral and elusive. Most people are chasing after things that may not be bad in themselves but in reality, do not have the power to make them happy. An example is the subconscious craving to have the torso of a body builder or the hour-glass figure of a model to be considered appealing. Must I be burly to be regarded as a choice specimen or svelte to be attractive? In my opinion, good health and a sound mind trumps an enchanting visage or silhouette any day.
With the example above in mind, take a pen and paper and go ahead to write down at least ten (10) things that you are grateful for. Go ahead, give it a try. I can bet you that the list can get lengthy once you start identifying apparently ordinary things that you should be appreciative for in life that had hitherto been taken for granted. Most people are usually surprised with the outcome of this exercise and find it refreshing.
Step 3 – Laudable List: Before we go into the areas that need work, it is imperative that we first recognize that we are not all bad news. Before you become a better you, acknowledge the good in you. Just like step 2 above that people are more focused on what they don’t’ have that they lose sight of what they do have. Some people are living oblivious of the fact that they do have some commendable traits. For instance, have you noticed how beautifully stutterers sing? It’s a rare sight though given that stutterers are usually shy and very self-conscious in public. But if you have, I am sure you will agree with me on they are great singers (at least those I know).
Putting that in perspective, make a list of at least ten (10) things that you like about yourself. Things that you may have been commended on or things that you do that make others smile. Come on, don’t go being modest all of sudden. For this step the observations (about you) of a friend or loved one may be a delightful surprise if you choose to ask for their input.
Step 4 – Improvement List: Sequel to the evaluation and gratitude list, we go to the hard stuff. Whether we like it or not, we are averse to acknowledging shortcomings in ourselves choosing to identify it in others. We shy away from confronting those parts of ourselves that need remedying preferring instead to embellish or dwell more on areas we have been commended on. However, similar to the caution in step 2 above, it is exigent to state that this list should be what truly matters rather than what we think the world expects of us.
It is pertinent to point out at this point that we are all unique creations and should focus on the things that would make us happier and more fulfilled against what the world around us insinuates we need. Nowadays, all around us we are confronted with unsolicited adverts of things we are made to think we need from our social media feeds to billboards and center spreads. Strive to become a better you on your own terms.
Step 5 – Improvement Goals: It is now time to set targets for each of the items on your improvement list. The advice is to start with bite-sized goals that will not take a toll. As they say, take baby steps. For instance, if your improvement list includes relationship management meaning you want to improve on your relationship with others, then your goal could be getting better at keeping in touch or reaching out more often. Your goal could be ensuring that you reach out to friends & family you haven’t communicated with in a long while. It could be to send a chat or voice note at least one every month.
The most important thing is the fact that you deliberately set out to do the things on your improvement list better than you were (or are currently) doing them.
Step 6 – Set Timelines: To be accountable, you need to set timelines within which to carry out the actions you have identified are necessary for the better you. Try not to be too aggressive here. After all, Rome they say was not built in a day. Depending on the ameliorative action to be taken, I’d say anything between a fortnight to 1 month for short interim targets and 3 – 6 months for long lead items should be ideal as anything longer will probably never get done anyways. Utilizing the narrative of keeping in touch, I would set a timeline of 3 months within which I would aspire to be in touch with distant relatives at least once in 2 weeks for starters.
Step 7 – Begin: Start where you are. I can tell you for free that unlike in the movies where on an auspicious day all the planets line up or an eclipse occurs to the specific degree at a specific time on a specific day at a specific location, in real life, conditions may never fall in place just right for it to be the perfect time to start. Instead, after you begin and then determinedly push, at times through seemingly unsurmountable odds, then you start to experiencing the thrill of positivity.
If you got this far, congratulations! (Drumroll please ).
My recommendation is for you to bookmark this article and revisit it after the timelines set in Step 6 to check how you fared. Did you succeed in carrying out all the steps to become a better you? Were you able to achieve the desired betterment of self? If the answers to these questions is yes, then you deserve a pat you on the back for your resilience. If the answer is no, don’t feel bad, cut yourself some slack but after all said and done, get back on your horse and try again. Whatever the case, we would like to hear from you on your experience, send us mail.
What’s next? Circle back to step 1 and do it all again. Become a better you. After all, according to the first line of this write up “improvement never ends”.
I’ll end by saying, life is beautiful and worth living. What a privilege to be alive! Let’s make the most of it!